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04-Dec-2017 07:33

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Most of the time, I was always the one to break up with a guy.I would find something wrong with them, I would get bored, or if I didn’t have the guts, I would give them plenty of excuses to break up with me.It is easier to end something then to take the next step.How could I possibly attempt a commitment like marriage, when half of America is divorced and many of them don’t even have to deal with an illness on top of regular normal marriage issues?I wouldn’t date the shy guys, or the anti social guys.I didn’t flirt with the boy in the chorus; I would flirt with the lead of the play or the director.To understand the game, you need to first know the rules. Now this is a rule that pertains to most people, not just those who are dealing with an illness, but I think that because people who have been sick have dealt with so much sadness and disappointment in their lives, the mere thought of being hurt or sad scares them into running away from relationships and love. Just when things get good, I would rather mess it up myself and leave.I feel like Lupus has taken most good things in my life away, so it is almost like I don’t even want to give it the chance of ruining a relationship.

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I was so afraid to even begin to like someone seriously, that whenever the relationship reached the year mark, or when things got more serious, I would end it.

If I had to I would even cheat, and give them a reason to leave me.